Satan's blog

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Your own . . . personal . . . Jesus

Did you know I love theology?

Yes, it’s a fact.  But it’s not just any theology I love, but any one of a whole boatload of false theologies.  And when I say a boatload, I’m talking cruise ship—big, comfortable, and full of smiling people trying to escape reality, if only for a moment.

You see, there is one way to get theology right, and about a gajillion ways to get theology wrong to one degree or another.  As an astute student, professor, and promoter of wrong theologies, I’ve always been amused at how easy it is to propagate false gospels, counterfeit Jesus’s, and overall flawed theologies.  It’s easy because I’ve observed a great propensity of all humans to adapt their theology (and all human beings have one) to their personal taste, sort of like making God in man’s own image.

Don’t like God? (I don’t either). Then adopt the theology of atheism.  Done!

Don’t like the thought of Hell?  (Careful now).  Then adopt a theology of universal salvation.  Done!

Have a little sin that you are quite fond of practicing?  Then adopt a theology in which God is equally fond, if not more so, of the same little sin.  Done!

See how easy it is?  There’s a theology for every lifestyle.  And here’s the best part: I approve of virtually all of them!

Yes, that’s right!  Unless you are diligent and wise, your theology is very likely to please not only yourself, but me as well, making both of our daily lives easier.

To illustrate a theology that has been tailored to the sin of its possessor, let me introduce Bishop Gene Robinson.  Now Mr. Robinson is not one of my own, but he has been taken captive to certain of my wiles and has adopted a personal theology that pleases me, and, happily, one which also distorts the theological views of those whom I hate most.
Mr. Robinson expressed his views (and mine) precisely in a recent Huffington Post piece entitled, “How Religion is Killing Our Most Vulnerable Youth.”
Hey, I love the title!  I love killing, and if I can enlist religion to do it, all the better.  But the title was only the beginning;  Robinson, who is an openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church, rails against “religious voices” that denounce LGBT [lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender] people.”
Denouncing people?  Yes, there are some religious voices that do that, but they are usually mine.  I do recall Jesus denouncing certain religious people, and scripture warns those who insist on sinning in ways that would prevent them from entering the kingdom of heaven.  But for the most part God’s religious voice (much to my eternal chagrin) denounces the sin, not the sinner.  I hate the sinner and love the sin.  So, if anyone is denouncing people, they are probably doing my work.  Leave them alone.  But I do give Mr. Robinson credit for effectively distorting the theology of those I abhor!
Mr. Robinson says that gay kids growing up in “conservative denominations” are “told day in and day out that they are an abomination before God.”
Really?  Day in and day out?  Really, Mr. Robinson?  I hear very few denouncing sexual sin as an “abomination.”  And I don’t recall ever overhearing anyone saying the kids themselves are an abomination.  In fact, I can proudly claim that the word abomination rarely ever escapes the mouth of anyone but the bravest of those opposed to me and my kingdom.  It seems most religious leaders are afraid to touch this issue, and stay beautifully silent.
You see, a theology that God loves is one that considers sin,  not the sinner, as an abomination.  But the fact that some people have adopted a different theology that seeks to make that which is an abomination in the sight of God okie dokie in the sight of man, while also distorting the views of those who agree with God as “denouncing people as an abomination,” pleases me greatly.
Mr. Robinson has it wrong both ways.  Well done.  He not only believes and promotes a theology that he and I both can rejoice in, but he has perverted a true theology into a false caricature.  I could ask no more of a true servant of mine.
But there’s more!  Mr. Robinson concludes his piece by stating, with respect to all the young homosexuals that “religion” has killed,  ”Nothing short of changing our theology of human sexuality will save those young and precious lives.”
You see?  Ha ha ha ha ha.  Want a convenient theology?  Just change the one you don’t like into one you do like!
Don’t worry, chances are I’ll love whatever theology fits your sin-loving lifestyle.
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